Tomorrow is never Promised, Is it Time to Forgive Dad

When the Journey Ends

Tomorrow is never Promised.  This is the first year I will not have my dad for Father’s Day. Wow, we know, it’s a day we must all face, however it is a feeling you just can’t explain. Depending on the type of relationship, it probably leaves a bit of emptiness. I have a friend whose relationship was not good with her father. When he passed, unfortunately, she was not able to satisfactory make amends. Now, she lives with this added scar.

When your Hero is gone

I woke up this morning and heard write a tribute to fathers. Like I stated earlier, my dad has gone to be with the LORD. It just reminds me of how important a man he was in my life. As kids, we developed an image of what a father should emulate. However, no father is perfect, I think mothers get more of a pass on that than fathers. We expect them to walk in perfection. As kids when we looked up at them, they seem to be like a giant. A giant defeating anything bad that came across their path.

I think as we grow older, we still hold on to that image that our Fathers are giants that cannot fail. We idolize them, make them larger than life. A large than life image that many cannot live up to. We become disappointed. Having feelings of rejection, because this man, the man we call father, no longer lives up to our expectations.

This idolatry begins to damage our relationship with our fathers and eventually cascades into impeding ourselves. We have thoughts of, why must he be this way, why cannot he change. We look at friends’ father or tv dad and say why cannot he be like that or wishing he were more like so and so. Not even taken into consideration the person we may admire also has flaws that we have no privy.

He is a part of you

This child-like image we have engrained in our minds, we must let go.  See your dad for who he is, appreciate what he has to offer.   I know some are reading this and saying well my dad was not in my life as a child, I can only imagine how you feel.  Others may say, you do not know the hell he put us through, or some say he is an S.O.B. that I sympathize with you.

Remember, that you are a spirit being, and part of you is him.  You cannot escape that fact he is a part of you.   When you hold anger, bitterness toward him, you are attacking a part that is inside of you. A part that silently but vigorously rips you apart from the inside out.   This battle causes you to be on the extreme ends of the spectrum, never having a balance.   Being off balance causes you to fight for peace and a false sense of peace might I add.

I believe as we near the end of our life, we begin to have many regrets, and fathers are not immune to these regrets. I remember talking to friends who work in some type of nursing home or health care dealing with the elderly, they tell me how many of these fathers only see their children on the holidays.  As their journey begins to dim, their hearts bleed, some have guilt and shame for what they have or did not do.  Permit them to be released from that.

Make a Change

This Father’s Day, if you are not speaking to your father, find it in your heart to reach out.   Think of it this way, when you begin to heal your heart, maybe your spirit may touch him for his to be healed so that he can become a better person.  Many times, we as kids do not know what our father’s upbringing was to make him turn out the way he is.   Forgiveness not only heals you but him and it stops that cycle from being repeated in the generations to come.  Your father DNA is part of you, and you are a part of your children’s DNA.

If you still cannot do it for him, do it for your children.  They are watching your every move.   Tomorrow is never promised.  A time may come where it will be almost impossible to heal the scar.

 

Transition Time

You know I got to help my father transition into the afterlife, and I did not even know he was ill.  He had my mom call me to ask for me to say a prayer.  The prayer GOD had me say was very intense, that I had to call my pastor.  It was about four hours later I get the heart-stopping call he was gone.    I was used to talking to my dad a few times a week.  Being able to assist daddy in transitioning peacefully was one of the best gifts I could have because I was not there with him physically.

Your father cannot change or heal your past, that my dear is something you have the power to do, be healed from your past.   So, take the time to heal your heart, to forgive, and move beyond the pain.  There is something good in all of us even your dad.  You are a child of GOD and he is a child of GOD.  I hope this helped someone begin the healing process.

Order Today for Him

Shame a Silent Killer

Exposing & Evicting Shame

Exposing & Evicting Shame is necessary for peace, clarity, and joy.  Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self, withdrawal motivations and feeling of distress, exposures, mistrust, powerless, and worthlessness.  Shame as defined by Wikipedia.   An article in Psychology Today, defines shame: A concealed, contagious, and dangerous emotion. The article further goes on to say it is an internal state of inadequacy, dishonor, or regret.  Shame can be brought on by what others or circumstances say about or do to us.  Circumstance and what others say is one part, the other culprit is coping internally with failure.  Guilt is not the same as Shame.  Guilt is an emotional experience that results from a wrongdoing or action taken.   Shame is attached to a person’s identity and guilt is attached to a person’s actions.

Most of us are no strangers to shame in one form or another.  This emotion of shame is very destructive and demeaning to the esteem.  Shame is a hidden emotion, that desperately camouflages itself.  Shame affects individuals on several levels.  Christian are not immune to shame.   An individual can be publicly or privately shamed.  It can be done by people dear to us or complete strangers. The essence of shame has historically been with mankind from the beginning.  We can trace shame back to Genesis 3 when Adam and Eve realized they were both naked.

Exposing & Evicting Shame: Shame has a purpose

Many don’t address the presence of shame. Shame leaves an open access point for the enemy to do sneak attacks.  Remember it is Satan purpose is to keep us from walking in our Divine destiny.  Satan job is to rob, steal and destroy.  If able to convince individuals to wrongly characterize themselves, he has done his job. He robs us of our identity by allowing the perceptions of shame to be more relevant than who GOD created us to be.   He steals our authority, constantly searching a false inadequate self-worth persona. A persona refusing to allow the forgiveness of past hurts.  Past hurts are embraced by shame. Shame hinders growth.  Hinders growth, permits destruction of our divine destiny. A destiny people spend countless years trying to undo, fix, or justify past error.  A misaligned destiny causes us to miss out on what beautiful, empowering things are waiting ahead.

Exposing & Evicting Shame: grounds of walking in Shame

  1. Poor financial condition – poverty, financial instability
  2. Sexual Past – rape, molestation, excessive sexual activity
  3. Addictions – anything we do in excess
  4. Past Relationship – abusive – verbal, emotional, physical. Intimate, siblings, parents,
  5. Body type, scars, disabilities – unhappy with appearance
  6. Word attachments by others – people speaking and perceiving falsely
  7. Childhood – environment and memories

Exposing & Evicting Shame: Identifying Shame

Shame is a hidden internal emotion that masquerades itself in external outcomes. It surfaces in the form of negative behaviors and/or feelings.  Shame is a negative emotion causing stagnation, backwardness and the blame game.  Shame is a feeder.  It causes the unconscious mind to link every event where there was shame. It like a snowball it continues to grow until heat is applied and is melted away.

Shame_designed to destroy

Below are some of behaviors that indicate shame may be present

  1. Procrastination – habitual never wanting to complete a task
  2. Depression – constant state of sadness, loneliness, isolation, & moody
  3. Addictions – over excessive behavior
  4. Low self-esteem – don’t see self- worth or value
  5. Lack motivation – detached
  6. Negative self-talk – very little good to say about self
  7. Constant frustration – easily frustrated and impatient
  8. Fright & fear – fear of being discovered & exposed
  9. Mentally beaten down – mentally worn out and discouraged
  10. Weighted down – feelings of can’t do or make things right
  11. Mistrust & doubt – feel people have ulterior motives
  12. Inability to have orgasms – ouch!!

Exposing & Evicting Shame: Effects of Shame

Shame can lead to long term social, professional and sexual difficulty.  The duty of Shame is to demoralize.  It has no cultural, environmental, or geographic boundaries.  It has the capacity to affects the influencers, the affluent, the poor, the kind-heart, the bad personality.  taking all and anyone hostage.

  1. Focuses on what we don’t have – very ungrateful
  2. Create a false identity – pretend to be something we are not to protect our self
  3. Self-pity – blame everyone
  4. Pride – over compensate for the lack of
  5. Overly judgmental – critical of self and others
  6. Rejections – sense of not belonging
  7. Abandonment – outcast
  8. Instability – life is like a roller-coaster
  9. Lack confidence in decision -making – constant mind changing behavior
  10. Lack of sensitivity – hide or inappropriate emotional behavior
  11. Unable to forgiveness – need to constantly pound the nail in self or others- reminder

Listed below are qualities that may develop due to shame

Shame - Healing through GOD

Healing Shame

As we read the lists from above, it is easy to see how shame hides itself.  Shame comes with clusters of other entities/spirits.  Shame is like an identical twin to those things listed above.  Many times, only one area is addressed, and shame is left intact.  There is no magic pill or wand that will it away in an instant.  Overcoming shame is a process which can take years.  However, as we begin the journey of evicting shame, we will have small victories and wins.  Shame is an entity/spirit that must not be ignored, it is damaging to our success.  Healing from shame requires honesty, looking at our nakedness, desiring change, and willingness to be challenged.  Shames desire that we never find our truth, our identity, our purpose.  Don’t be ashamed to deal with shame. We have the authority to confront shame and be set free.

Exposing & Evicting Shame: Evicting Shame

Evicting shame means letting the past be the past.  Shame focuses on what we did wrong, we serve a forgiving GOD.   It is a voice that we have the power to silence.  Shame works in the dark bring it to the light and deal with it.

  1. Forgive – our self and others- we make mistakes
  2. Mind Renewal – people change over the years, even our self
  3. Let go of the hostages – our self and others. The past is the past it cannot change
  4. Publicly confess our shame
  5. Revisit our past/childhood
  6. Have a funeral for those things that caused shame
  7. Be conscious and stop negative self -talk and thoughts
  8. Deal with issues as they arise don’t let them compile
  9. Talk to someone

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Waiting on GOD for Financial Breakthrough – Dealing with Shame

As Christians, GOD desires to cleanse us from shame.  Hebrew 10:22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.

The scriptures tell us to be ashamed of the bad things we do, however GOD does not want us to live a life of shame but to confess our wrongdoings, sins, change our ways, and turn to Him.   GOD has a plan for us it is for good and not to harm us, Jerm. 29:11.   He has called us I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Psalm 139:14.  It is GOD desire that we attain our divine destiny and that we see ourselves as a light that represents Him.